Hatred

“The hatred of a thing binds you to it.”

-Alan Watts

Hatred is a very deep and powerful thing. It disguises itself as power and vindication, and sometimes hatred is absolutely justified. Sometimes you are allowed to hate, just as you are allowed to be angry. As someone who has struggled with hatred and anger for years, I can tell you that my hatred and anger were absolutely justified. Yours might be too. The question with justified hatred and anger then becomes, “Where do I draw the line? At what point, justified though it may be, does it become a detriment to myself and those I love?” The other question we must ask ourselves is, “How much headspace am I going to allow the object(s) of my hatred and anger?” Again, the justification might by absolute, but is it helpful? The more headspace the objects of my hatred occupy, the less space I have for things like love and joy, peace and gratitude. To be sure, I’m not suggesting that we take the all too used segway of denial. Denying your anger and hatred never helps. What I’m suggesting is trying to take a truly and objectively honest look at the hatred and anger and see how they are helping us and those around us. If we do that, I think we will find that our anger hatred only really serves to give headspace to the object(s), damage us, and hurt our relationships, and don’t really help us much at all. I must again stress that your hatred and anger might be completely justified, but what is it costing you? I’m not suggesting either that we jump into automatic forgiveness, that isn’t helpful either and forgiveness is both a lengthy and weighty process. Nor am I suggesting that we flout our own boundaries and desires to appease others and make it seem like “everything is ok.” Don’t deny yourself of your emotions, but don’t let them drive you to ruin either. And I think that’s where we must draw the line. At lease it is for me; showing validation for my feelings, respecting my own boundaries, and working to let go of the anger and hatred because it ultimately pulls me away from those I love while the objects of my hatred and anger don’t even give me a second thought nor do they care about the pain they’ve caused.

If you’ve never read Moby Dick, I would highly recommend it. The fifty-cent summary is this: Captain Ahab’s singular and unbridled hatred of Moby Dick leads to his death and the death of all but one of his crew. All innocent bystanders caught in Captain Ahab’s wake. Look at his last words in the book:

“To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell’s heart I stab at thee; For hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee!”

Captain Ahab’s body is later shown dead and bound to Moby Dick. Ahab’s hatred and anger cost him his life, stole him away from his wife a child, and drug all those around him down. I don’t want that to be me, and I don’t think you want that to be you.

So, what is your anger and hatred costing you, or what will it cost you if you continue down that path? Count the cost and begin to really and truly let it go. Not as a justification of what was done to you, but as a declaration that your life if your own to live; give yourself the gift of freedom. Don’t try to let it all go at one-that won’t happen. Go slow, start small. Pray, meditate, seek counsel, and maybe begin just by thinking one less hateful thought during the day.

Free yourself from hatred. You deserve it.